Thursday, July 6, 2017

Should Alienated Parents Post About Parental Alienation On Social Media?

This is a question that is debated inside and outside of the “parental alienation advocate world.”  This article is directed more towards people who are on the outside of a parental alienation situation but should be of interest to anyone.

Do you know a child or young adult who is alienated from one of their parents?  If so, are you “friends” with the alienating parent who has a relationship with the alienated child or alienated young adult also known as the favored parent?  Does this favored parent say to you “The reason the child (of any age) doesn’t talk to the other parent is because the other parent posts about them and posts about parental alienation on social media.  If the other parent didn’t post anything about them or about parental alienation on social media, then they would talk to the other parent.”

If you know an alienated child and are friends with the favored (alienating) parent, you’ve probably heard this and it might have even sounded reasonable to you. You might have thought “Gee, that sounds easy.  Why doesn’t ‘target parent’ just stop posting about the alienated child and parental alienation on social media and then the child will talk to them again?”

If you have listened to and bought into this reasoning, I hope you’ll take a moment to read the rest of this article.

Here are a few things you need to know….

  1.  No child has ever started communicating with a target parent again simply because the target parent stopped posting about them or parental alienation on social media.  If it was that simple, we all would have done that and been reunified with our children by now.

  1.  When a target parent stops posting about how much they love and miss their child on social media, the alienating parent actually uses that to strengthen the alienation by saying things like “Your other parent has stopped mentioning you completely on social media.  See, they don’t really care about you or love you or want a relationship with you.  I guess they’ve given up on you and forgotten all about you.”  One example of this was when a target parent who hadn’t seen 1 of their 3 children for many years posted a photo of the 2 children that they do have a relationship with on Facebook.  The alienator, who relentlessly stalks the target parent, copied and pasted the post and photo with the two children and sent it to the alienated young adult telling the alienated young adult “Your other parent is posting as if they only have two children.  They aren’t mentioning you at all.  That is such a mean thing to do to you.”  This alienator is constantly pressuring and harassing the target parent to stop posting about the alienated child online yet when the target parent did make a post without referring to the alienated child, the alienator used it for more alienation.  This is a perfect (AND REAL) example of how alienators will use EVERY opportunity to alienate.  If a target parent posts about an alienated child, an alienator will use that to further alienate.  If a target parent doesn’t post about an alienated child, the alienator will use that to further alienate.  Obviously, the only reason the target parent didn’t post a photo with the alienated child is that the target parent hasn’t seen the alienated child for many years and therefore doesn’t have any recent photos of them.  It’s also worth mentioning that when my husband and I have interviewed young adults who were previously alienated for our upcoming Parental Alienation Documentary,  they have all stated that target parents should continue any and all efforts to try to reach out to their children through any means possible AND that target parents should continue to break the silence about parental alienation.  Remember, the alienated children themselves can’t do it – they are relying on us to stay strong and keep speaking out for them!

  1.  Alienators will often claim that the alienated child has told the target parent to stop posting about them and about parental alienation on social media and that the alienated child has told the target parent “If you stop posting about me and about parental alienation on social media, I’ll talk to you again.”  The truth is alienated children very rarely say this to target parents.  In one known case, the alienating parent says this often to anyone they can but the truth is the alienated young adult in the situation has never once said this to the target parent.  In the rare cases where alienated children have said this to target parents, ALL alienated children have confirmed that they were forced to say it by the alienating parent.  In fact, the truth is quite the opposite and many alienated children have secretly contacted the target parents saying things like “I read your posts about how much you love me and miss me.  I love you and miss you too. ‘Alienating parent’ is watching to make sure I don’t talk to you.  They monitor all of my emails, text messages and phone calls.  It’s not safe for me to talk to you yet but I’m trying to break free and find a safe way to talk to you.  Please keep posting and know that I love you, miss you and want to talk to you even though I can’t yet.”

  1.  The REAL reason alienators want target parents to stop posting about parental alienation on social media is because they don’t want to be exposed.  Keeping the truth about parental alienation a secret protects the alienator and allows them to easily continue alienating the children. Nothing is worse to an alienator than the truth being exposed.

  1.  Remember, the most obvious sign of parental alienation is that a child doesn’t have a relationship with one parent WHILE they have a very enmeshed relationship with the other parent.  This is NOT normal!  No child “chooses” this regardless of what a parent might say.  Alienating parents and alienating stepparents can be very charming and very convincing.  Refer to the article  “PARENTAL ALIENATION TIP OF THE DAY (Body language and gestures. Watch the ACTIONS, not just the WORDS” for more information about this.http://www.facebook.com/notes/wendy-archer/parental-alienation-tip-of-the-day-body-language-and-gestures-watch-the-actions-/10151259801624417).

  1.  YOU CAN HELP!!!!! If you’re friends with a “favored parent,” the next time they say “If ‘target parent’ would simply stop posting on social media about parental alienation, our child would talk to them” say this to the favored parent…“If your child had a relationship with the other parent, then the other parent wouldn’t even have anything to post about in that regard.  It seems to me that if you want the other parent to stop posting about parental alienation on social media, then you should make sure your child has a relationship with the other parent.  Why don’t you call your child today and tell them that you WANT them to see their other parent as soon as possible and that you WANT them to have a happy and loving relationship with the other parent and that you won’t interfere with that in any way?”

  1.  Don’t get conned by an alienating parent!  Educate yourself about the FACTS of parental alienation for the sake of all children who naturally love and want relationships with BOTH parents! Before you choose to engage in bystander apathy or choose to support an alienator, please remember this…”It can happen to ANYONE so it should matter to EVERYONE!”

Thank you for reading!

Wendy Perry 
Parental Alienation Awareness Organization International
Host of the Parental Alienation Symposium
Subject of the documentary Divorce Corp


 

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